mandaarnett

I hate waking up wide-awake at 4am and not being able to fall asleep. Why is it that is when all or your life’s problems seem to be the biggest? I am my worst enemy at this time. I question everything that I have done. I fear everything that I have not done. I am anxious that I have not done what is necessary. I am aware that this is how the enemy tries to bring me done and keep me from focusing on God. He knows that at this time when I have just awakened, I am not in a reasonable mindset. Worrying gets you nowhere. I know this very well, however I have yet to fully learn this concept. I begin to worry about something and then you worry about not sleeping, never-ending cycle. There seems to be no solace.

I worry about things in life, stress about worrying and how it is bad for me, worry about not sleeping and then worry about having a lack of sleep. This then turns to my anxiety to thinking that the origin of my worry is that not trusting God enough.

Satan really has a way of getting you at your core. He finds a way in through the smallest holes. He has a way of finding the things that you are self-conscious of and then breaking you down there. Questioning is his easiest tactic for me. Satan makes me question what I am doing in my career, am I doing enough, questioning my closeness to God then finally attacking myself inwardly and outwardly. At this point I feel defeated. The thing that gets me is that it starts out small and innocent, however in the end you feel bruised, battered, and in shambles.  

The enemy constantly wants to keep us in a state of anxiety and self-mutilation. He wants us to fear, question, and flat out be miserable. He knows the best time to start these tactics too. When you are at your weakest or defenseless. When you think about it this is a bit pathetic and coward like ploy. In our normal states we can think clearly, well for the most part. Our attacker however waits till be are vulnerable. Sitting in the shadows waiting till we are at our fragile state to pounce. The clarity under normal circumstances would have, we no longer have. The reasoning skills we would normally have to fight off these initial threats are not there. He is conniving, cunning and ruthless. He is here to destroy. 

If you can take a step back and remove yourself from the situation, which can be quite difficult when in the moment, then we see the assailment for what it is. It is then and only then that we can pinpoint how our antagonist wormed his way in. Then is where we can see how feeble Satan is. Seeing his true colors or attacking when you are down, moral is low. He makes a chameleon of himself hide his actions. Using our hazy state or minds against us. At times it is not until we are at our lowest that we even see, because of our blindness, that at the core of our anxiety, it is Satan. He stands there with a conniving grin thinking that he has won. This is the point where we must call out to our Father. We are defenseless without him. Through him we are given strength and can face anything. I am so thankful for a Father that will take care, me love me through my imperfections, and will protect me from my enemies. How many people can say that they have the gift of such a great defense to overcome anything?  

Matthew 11:28–30

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Why is it that we decide that things are hopeless or that we are in over our heads? If God puts us in a certain place and things seem to get a little hard why is it that we think that we are alone. I have been feeling this way over the past week. I know that God has called me to be a teacher. This is the calling that I feel that he has put on my life. I have been super overwhelmed with all that has been thrown at me this week. I realize that sometimes where God puts us is where he stretches us. I think that if we are comfortable then sometimes we don’t try as hard. When we are challenged we are more willing to try new things and trust Him to lead us. So I think that in these times when we don’t feel confident or when we feel like we don’t know what we are doing that this is when God can really use us. This is when we are fully relying on Him. 

This weekend I got to go see the kids that I nannied this summer. I have not gotten to go up there since March so it has been several months. It was Lauren’s fifth birthday. We had a Luau themed party. It was really cute. Anyways all that to say that upon entering the door the littlest one Audrey ran to the door screaming “Manda, Manda!” She was only not even two when I left. She ran to me and clung to me for like the whole time. She did not want me to put her down and she did not want me to sit. She just wanted me to hold her and play with her. It was so nice feeling wanted and needed. It was nice to know that I still wanted by my babies. I really miss them. 

If you are like me you have wanted to watch Despicable Me but didn’t really know what it was about. I went and watched it tonight so cute. It is a great story about adoption and family. Steve Carell great as always. I totally recommend it. It was a very cute movie.

So I was in Nashville this weekend with my family. I went to church with my brother in law and sister. I love their church I always able to get something out of the lessons there. This week their regular pastor was not there but one of the other speakers from a different campus. Anyways not really the point the point is the lesson that I learned. How many times do we think that we have to have some divine intervention by God to be used or think that we are not doing good unless something huge happens. 

When I first got there and he started speaking I looked at the program and saw a small mustard seed inside. Honestly my first impression was okay I have heard this parable a thousand times lets see if he has anything new. To my dismay he did. He spoke about how many times we put a lot of hope in things or in something we want to do. We are all excited and if it doesn’t happen the way that we thought it would or not in the time we thought it would we give up. I am so guilty of this. I have all these expectations in my head and when they don’t work out the way I want them too I am so upset. How many times do we get so focused on how it didn’t work out or that’s not what we wanted that we miss out on the little things. Like mustard seeds or yeast. It takes only a small mustard seed to grow a tree that is 10 to 12 feet. It takes just a little yeast to have dough rise and lots of bread. So I got to thinking it is through small things that might seem insignificant at the time that God can turn into great and mighty things. 

Anticipation that is what we must do. Anticipate the good things and how we can be used. “Small beginnings of an unlikely source have irresistible growth” this could be us if we allow it. We have to remember that HOPE waits PATIENTLY which is very had. I am not sure that many of us are good at being patient. HOPE must also be COURAGEOUS we have to believe that this hope we have is not in vain. We have to believe in our dreams and that God will help us carry it out. Jesus knows all about broken dreams. He had a dream that He and man would live together but it was man that broke his body and plead for his death but it was when his dream was broken that he (the seed) was put into the ground that the Spirit was given to us and we were saved. 

Don’t miss a mustard seed moment!! Have hope and let God use you in little ways